I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
