yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
