Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize