I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
