I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
