Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He felt like a one man threesome
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
