Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
