yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
