apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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