i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize