sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
