listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
