I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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