so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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