You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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