My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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