it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize