I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
