my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
