I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
