I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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