At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
smell my finger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
