Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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