Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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