grandma shit on top of the toilet
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
