Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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