Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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