Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
