I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
