you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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