omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
