You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
