She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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