dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
