My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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