The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
