god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
