well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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