also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
