I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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