I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My bed smells like the plague
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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