Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
