you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
