Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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