There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need a beard to bite.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
