I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
