Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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