Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
