You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
