Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Drunk is not a location!
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