How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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