That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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