i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
