I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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