Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
They took my balls.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
