I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
