i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
