The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
