I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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