Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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