I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
