ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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