Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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