please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
