hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
