there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize