meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
