Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
