the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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