And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
