I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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