you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize