Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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