Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
