The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
