didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
